Had the urge to talk to him yesterday but didnt had the courage to. Hahaha my bestie told me to have some balls and talk to him but no. Haha I shall admit that I've got no balls. So I didnt talk to him in the end la BUT END UP IT WAS SO TORTUROUS FOR ME. Its like a burden in my heart sia I can't let it go. It's just hanging there like a big heavy stone. I keep on thinking about him. About what might happen if we started chatting. Perhaps nothing.

Tweeted about loving someone I shouldnt love today. I seriously think I deserve all the torture and pain I feel every single day because I always fall for someone that I dont deserve. I'm just simply not good enough.

I need someone to hit some senses out of me man. And tell me that nothing is gonna happen I should stop hoping and dreaming. With higher expectations comes big disappointments. I just cant afford to see my hopes fall again, I will break down. Every single day I wake up with such great disappoitments because of all the good dreams I have about us, the possibilities. But my heart breaks a little everytime when reality hits on me real hard.

I can't do this anymore. I have to move on! Hahaha such a emotional post lol shall go to sleep now and stop thinking so much. Over thinking really got me all depressed. Bye.

Fallen too hard again..

Hello whoever that reads this! Sooooo, as seen from the title of this blogpost, there's no doubt that I'm gonna talk abt bgr today lol. So, I'm just gonna talk about what I feel lately. So, few days back, when we were otw to our lecture room, we just coincidentally saw my crush in poly or rather eye candy. I used to be abit crazy about him during the orientation camp. But I think with all my busy schedules, It kind of distracted me. But I swear my heart still beats like crazy whenever I see him. Then somehow, something was triggered when I saw him few days back. It's like sudden burst of feelings lol. And if people around keeps on talking about it, I will fall even deeper. Dont you share the same thoughts with me? Yeap, so thats what's happening to me. My friends keep on mentioning him, reminding me about him . And I can feel myself falling deeper. Sometimes I know its impossible, but my heart just cant help but to think about all the possibilities and try to find for tht one last hope. This may sound exaggerating but I even dreamt about him hahaha I guess I'm just too lonely and desperate. I admit tht ok.

So ya, thats what happened these few days la. And then on thurs which was kind of my last day of school before study week starts then I was kind of secretly hoping I can see him one more time before hols. And out of my expectation, I saw him again. My friend would have say that its fate but I dont have the courage to say tht though I hope it is haha but I know its pure coincidence. Its good to have dreams sometimes isnt it? Talking about fallen deeply, it was valentines yesterday and I bet singles will think about someone they have a crush on. So, I felt more sad and empty cause I miss him more than ever and wish to talk to him but I can't.  I just dont have the courage.

But ya, valentines really got me all depressed. Seeing girls with roses and balloons outside is like rubbing salt on my wound. Hahaha I'm not saying that its not good to be single ok. There's pros and cons for either. But I'm just the type who needs someone there for me to rely on. Saying the obvious would meant that I just need someone to love me. Haha thats what my bestie told me that day when I whatsapp her I want a boyf. Dont judge ok haha I think that its absolutely normal to feel lonely.

To end my random update today, I hope whoever reads this will not judge me ok haha okay its your call whether to judge or not. Whatever. But just dont tell anyone about it okay. I posted here thinking that no one will read it cause i have no idea who else I can talk to.

bye and happy belated valentines? Haha I wish that my valentines next year will be different!

Screwed.

Super pissed off now. I really cannot stand my mum nagging and whining everytime I go out. I mean like fuck la I work like almost everyday and have no time to go out with my friends and today i am not even going out to play i just wanna go library and study. and early in the morning you started whining and nagging ABOUT ME GOING OUT EVERYDAY? THINK ABOUT IT MAN WHEN DID I EVER GO OUT EVERYDAY??!! i only went out once to celebrate poh's bday and once to celebrate mine IS THAT TOO MUCH??? TWO TIMES ONLY DUDE. HOW LONG HAVE I WORK I SERIOUSLY THINK I DESERVE THIS FREEDOM OKAY don't tell me i don't, i work for the sake of freedom and what do i get now? NOTHING BUT NAGGING AND SCOLDINGS. To think about how excited i was yesterday cause i am going to watch movie today after so damn long i don't even rmb when is the last time i watched a movie. Probably before i started work which is like six months ago and this is what i get? I don't get money to spend i don't get to go out cause you kept on nagging about it which seriously spoils my mood. Forever ruining my good day. i really cannot take it. ONCE IN A WHILE ONLY AND THIS IS WHAT I GET. A dinner date with my girls to celebrate my bday also cnt CAUSE I GOT NO MONEY. THEN WHATS THE POINT OF GOING OUT.

i'm tired now, don't wanna say anymore since i am repeating the same thing over and over again.

Regrets.

Just got to know about RSS modern dance getting distinction for SYF! Feel so proud of my girls! I swear I cried cause I was just so happy for them that their hardwork had paid off! But at the same time, memories just begin to flash back in my head and remind me of my one and only SYF two years back. I only wish for time to go back to when I was sec one... Back then I did not work hard..but I tried my best during my sec two and three. And that was when I truly regret that I did not work hard during first year..

However, we cant change the fact that we didn't perform as what people expect us to, but we are not guilty of it cause I believe we have tried our best. And that everyone else recognize our efforts. It's just that the results didn't reflect it and that was probably why we were so devastated back then.

If only there's a second chance...

But too bad! We are not given second chance in everything, BUT WHAT CAN WE DO??? Yeah, just suck it up and move on yo.

Okay, Short update for today! Feeling tired from all the crying and work, have to wake up early for work tmrw also so that's all. Thanks for reading, whoever you are, I really appreciate it, goodnight and sweet dreams. (:

New life!

Hello all! (:
As you can see, the topic for today's update is about new life! To think about my poly life starting in few more days, I just feel so nervous, scared, insecure, excited! So many different feelings la! Anyway, i'm glad that I was able to make good friends over there with my classmates, I was quite worried about me being a loner throughout my poly life la but then it was pretty impossible because I can never stop talking for one second. LOLOL Whatever it is, i'm just looking forward to school starting! ^^

And that's all about the new life part HAHAHAHA tio cheat LOLOL

TBH, I have nothing much to post today but I have got nothing to do now so here I am updating my blog, typing nonsense.. kekeke Since I have nothing else to say I shall go continue watch my show now! [ Watching When love walked in currently, starring Victoria f(x) and that's the reason why I watch it in the first place LOLOL ]

Lastly, as promised, I'm gonna upload the pictures from my camp! (:

 k, thanks for reading ^^ bye! (:

SHORT update : Orientation @ NYP

Reallyreally short update! Hahaha Had a great time at the freshman orientation today and yesterday at NYP! Time now is 11:41 which means I should be sound asleep by now since I have to work tmr but I just feel the urge to blog LOLOL I don't know why also don't ask me why hahaha! Anyway, yesterday was the first day of the camp, as usual la most orientation we have gone would be like superrrr awkward at first la cause all strangers mah then need adapt first. So it wasn't that fun the early part of the day when we all just met. ESPECIALLY the ice breakers, although it works pretty well all the time but it's really extremely awkward...and paiseh max! Hahaha! It's like we don't even know each other well and we're playing games, but whatever it is, that's just why it is called ice breakers isn't it ??? LOLOL Back to the topic, we created our own cheers and had campus tour which is super tiring cause the school is just that big la -.- and then we learn the mass dance which I myself had a lot of fun cause dancing is my thing ^^ Hahaha and I love how the OGLs are so hyper which makes me very high LOL and we also met our mentor, Ms Gladys, and she's a very niceee person (:

OHHH, and we had buffet for lunch HAHA Lastly, we had to perform our cheers at the end of the day la and it was so paiseh LOL but it's fun to watch others performing LOLOLOL then we got our NYP FMO'13 t-shirt hahaha it's awesome la but it's made of cotton... >.<

Next day right, I was so glad that my class is so responsive la. it's like when the OGLs ask a question or when we do cheers throughout the camp, my class was considered loud alrd hahaha! The first day was so horrible la cause everyone paiseh. hahaha! And that's when I really begin to enjoy the camp! Hahaha afterall, that's what camp is about right? All the cheers and race and fun and shouting~~! So time seriously passed super fast for the second day cause I really had a lot of fun! We did the amazing race and a lot more la hahaha! Took some pictures but I think I'll upload it another time okay? I promise! ^^

Last thing, one of my OGL is SOOOO CUTE! :P
P/s : And shuai ^.<

Okay, that's all. I don't think this is a short update LOLOL whatever la, I got work tmr so i'm gonna sleep now goodnight! (:

Cutting my hair!

Sup! Feeling rather sad now LOL Was so eager to cut my hair just now so i went to vista point to cut my hair around 7 plus LOL Cut my fringe and went back to bangs hahaha as expected huh ? And cut my hair cause it's just so long and the weather nowadays is just so hot. On top of that, my hair is so heavy! So i decided to cut my hair and i finally got to cut it today after so long! Everytime i want to go out and cut my hair it starts to rain. Oh well, as usual it rained today also but i was determined to cut my hair! AND THE RESULTS ARE, later i'll take a photo.. Not happy with it but at least my head feels light now and i'm not pissed with my long heavy hair anymore! But i realised my hair is getting curly DAMNIT T.T I dont want curly hair >.< although i'm thinking about getting perm, but still it's different ._.

Whatever it is, i've alrd cut my hair i cant possibly stick it back so i shall suck it up and move on. BUT I CANT IT'S JUST SO SHORT. hahaha okay i can do this. it will grow back afterall, it will ONLY take one or two years or more time to grow back to that length *sobs* After looking at the photo, people might think that it's not that short afterall and why am i making a big fuss over this. But here's the thing, MY HAIR IS FREAKING LONG BEFORE I CUT IT SO I ABSOLUTELY HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE A FUSS ABOUT IT. LOL okay i'm exaggerating.. hahaha! Forgive me please, just let me vent my sadness in one post and i'll stop. :'( Please tolerate for awhile okay haha

Anyway, here's the picture.

 

k, thanks for reading bye! (: