Had the urge to talk to him yesterday but didnt had the courage to. Hahaha my bestie told me to have some balls and talk to him but no. Haha I shall admit that I've got no balls. So I didnt talk to him in the end la BUT END UP IT WAS SO TORTUROUS FOR ME. Its like a burden in my heart sia I can't let it go. It's just hanging there like a big heavy stone. I keep on thinking about him. About what might happen if we started chatting. Perhaps nothing.

Tweeted about loving someone I shouldnt love today. I seriously think I deserve all the torture and pain I feel every single day because I always fall for someone that I dont deserve. I'm just simply not good enough.

I need someone to hit some senses out of me man. And tell me that nothing is gonna happen I should stop hoping and dreaming. With higher expectations comes big disappointments. I just cant afford to see my hopes fall again, I will break down. Every single day I wake up with such great disappoitments because of all the good dreams I have about us, the possibilities. But my heart breaks a little everytime when reality hits on me real hard.

I can't do this anymore. I have to move on! Hahaha such a emotional post lol shall go to sleep now and stop thinking so much. Over thinking really got me all depressed. Bye.

Fallen too hard again..

Hello whoever that reads this! Sooooo, as seen from the title of this blogpost, there's no doubt that I'm gonna talk abt bgr today lol. So, I'm just gonna talk about what I feel lately. So, few days back, when we were otw to our lecture room, we just coincidentally saw my crush in poly or rather eye candy. I used to be abit crazy about him during the orientation camp. But I think with all my busy schedules, It kind of distracted me. But I swear my heart still beats like crazy whenever I see him. Then somehow, something was triggered when I saw him few days back. It's like sudden burst of feelings lol. And if people around keeps on talking about it, I will fall even deeper. Dont you share the same thoughts with me? Yeap, so thats what's happening to me. My friends keep on mentioning him, reminding me about him . And I can feel myself falling deeper. Sometimes I know its impossible, but my heart just cant help but to think about all the possibilities and try to find for tht one last hope. This may sound exaggerating but I even dreamt about him hahaha I guess I'm just too lonely and desperate. I admit tht ok.

So ya, thats what happened these few days la. And then on thurs which was kind of my last day of school before study week starts then I was kind of secretly hoping I can see him one more time before hols. And out of my expectation, I saw him again. My friend would have say that its fate but I dont have the courage to say tht though I hope it is haha but I know its pure coincidence. Its good to have dreams sometimes isnt it? Talking about fallen deeply, it was valentines yesterday and I bet singles will think about someone they have a crush on. So, I felt more sad and empty cause I miss him more than ever and wish to talk to him but I can't.  I just dont have the courage.

But ya, valentines really got me all depressed. Seeing girls with roses and balloons outside is like rubbing salt on my wound. Hahaha I'm not saying that its not good to be single ok. There's pros and cons for either. But I'm just the type who needs someone there for me to rely on. Saying the obvious would meant that I just need someone to love me. Haha thats what my bestie told me that day when I whatsapp her I want a boyf. Dont judge ok haha I think that its absolutely normal to feel lonely.

To end my random update today, I hope whoever reads this will not judge me ok haha okay its your call whether to judge or not. Whatever. But just dont tell anyone about it okay. I posted here thinking that no one will read it cause i have no idea who else I can talk to.

bye and happy belated valentines? Haha I wish that my valentines next year will be different!